Picture this: you’re sitting around the holiday table, surrounded by family, when suddenly that familiar tension creeps in. Your stomach tightens as you remember last year’s argument around the dinner table. Sound familiar? We’ve all been there – caught between wanting to connect with our loved ones and carrying the weight of unresolved hurt in our hearts.
The holidays are meant to be a time of giving, sharing, and coming together in aloha. Yet for many of us, they become a source of stress because we’re forced to navigate relationships that carry old wounds. What if I told you there’s an ancient Hawaiian practice that can transform these challenging family dynamics and open your heart to genuine healing?
**Key Takeaways**
- Hawaiian Ho’oponopono offers a pathway to healing family relationships before holiday gatherings
- The practice focuses on alignment with yourself, others, and the divine
- Forgiveness is ultimately a gift you give yourself, not the other person
- Taking action toward harmony requires courage but creates lasting peace
- The “pono check” helps identify whether emotions are current or from past experiences
Understanding the Sacred Practice of Ho’oponopono
Ho’oponopono is the Hawaiian practice of being in alignment – with yourself, with others, and with the divine. When any of these connections are out of balance, we find ourselves completely off-center. Things that normally wouldn’t bother us suddenly feel overwhelming. We react in ways that later make us wonder, “Why was I acting that way?”
This ancient wisdom teaches us that when we’re carrying disharmony in our hearts, it affects every interaction we have. That’s why family gatherings can feel so challenging – we’re not just dealing with present moments, but with layers of past hurts that haven’t been addressed.
**The Pono Check: Looking Within First**
Before we can heal any relationship, we must start with ourselves. The first step in Ho’oponopono is what I call the “pono check” – looking inside to identify what we’re truly feeling.
Ask Yourself: What Am I Feeling Right Now?
Instead of immediately pointing fingers at others, we must turn our attention inward. Can you identify the specific emotion rising in your heart? Is it anger, disappointment, hurt, or something else entirely? So often we want to focus on what others have done to us, when we’re actually the ones experiencing the energetic disruption within ourselves.
Current or Undercurrent?
Once you’ve identified what you’re feeling, ask yourself this crucial question: Is this emotion current or is it an undercurrent?
A current emotion flows from what’s happening right now in this present moment. It’s a direct response to a current interaction or situation.
An undercurrent emotion comes from something deeper – a past experience, an unresolved relationship issue, or accumulated hurt that’s been building over time. These undercurrents often make our reactions feel disproportionate to what’s actually happening in the moment.
**A Story of Healing: When Pride Nearly Cost Everything**
Let me share a powerful story from my own ohana that illustrates the transformative power of Ho’oponopono. My father, Papa Mike, was the fifth of six children. In their household, the oldest child always sat in the front seat of the car – a simple rule that meant he had to wait years for his turn.
Finally, when it was just him and his younger sister at home, his moment arrived. After church one day, he found his sister in the front seat. When she refused to move despite knowing the rule, an argument erupted that drew in my grandmother, then my grandfather. In the chaos that followed, my grandfather grabbed my father by the shirt, blaming him for starting the conflict.
Feeling unheard and violated, my 16-year-old father made a decision that would haunt him for two years – he moved out and stopped speaking to his father entirely. For two years, they rode to school and church in complete silence, both too proud to bridge the gap that had formed over a front seat.
The Midnight Awakening
A week before graduation, when my father was preparing to leave for college and possibly Vietnam, something woke him in the middle of the night. He describes it as a voice from spirit asking him: “What are you doing? You may never see your father again. You need to go make it right. You need to make it pono.”
In that moment, he realized the truth that Ho’oponopono teaches: forgiveness isn’t about the other person – it’s a gift you give yourself.
He got up, went to his parents’ house, woke them up, and apologized. There were hugs, tears, and genuine forgiveness. Shortly after, my father left for college and was drafted to Vietnam and never returned to live in Hawaii. My grandfather was later diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and gradually lost his memories. Had my father waited any longer, that opportunity for healing would have been lost forever. It also offered them the opportunity to forgive themselves and only you can release yourself from the web of disharmony.
**Practical Steps for Holiday Healing**
Assess the Situation Honestly
When you find yourself in a state of reactivity, ask yourself: Is the situation in front of me warranting the emotional response I’m having? Often, our reactions are amplified by undercurrents from past experiences.
Focus on Your Desired Outcome
Instead of dwelling on the problem, shift your attention to what you want to achieve. What outcome do you desire? When we focus on solutions rather than problems, we create space for heart opening and genuine connection.
As we say in Hawaiian wisdom, “Where your thoughts go, energy can flow.” If your thoughts are consumed with frustration and hurt, it becomes nearly impossible to move toward harmony and forgiveness.
Take Action Toward Harmony
Ho’oponopono requires action, even if it starts with just a shift in your thinking. Ask yourself: What is one thing I can do right now to restore harmony? Sometimes it’s as simple as choosing
If you want to know more about Ho’oponopono, we do have a free masterclass called Ho’oponopono the Hawaiian system for living in harmony with yourself, with others and the Divine
Kumu Jeana Iwalani Naluai
